Crabbie Column

I’ve seen enough to say my piece here, elements of wastage in Malays’ weddings. It can be either wasting money on unnecessary items or wasting time for doing gratuitous things that is not required in Islam.

For example, when going to Malay weddings, you will be given goodies bag that will consist of stuffs such as towels, potpourri, miniature fork and spoon, etc. Its cute and nice and all but how many of us do actually used the stuffs? Initially I did not even open the nice packaging but lately I have been giving lots of the cute hanky to my niece. Well at least someone is using it. In Malay tradition, it’s a norm to give out ‘bunga telur’ for the entire guest as wedding favors. It’s a hard boiled eggs attached to manmade flowers that come in all sorts of style and colors. It was believed that it is a symbol of praying for fertility to the newlyweds, which I tend to agree with the tradition.

But just imagine one of these goodies bag can cost up to RM5 and on top of the RM9-12 per head buffet cost, one would have to spend RM 15-20 for every invited guess. I am not being calculative but for a non-required stuff, yes I am. Lets get back to the basic fundamental why we have reception in the first place. It is meant to announce when a particular person is spoken for and to declare their unity. A simple reception would do according to Islamic guidelines.

That’s the money part. Lets talk about the time bit. For a normal Malay wedding, it would typically consist of ‘majlis akad nikah’, which is the contract of marriage that is recited in front of witness (which happens to be either close family or friends). Next come the wedding reception and during that event both bride and groom will be seated on nicely decorated dais while family and friend ‘menepung tawar’ as act of giving blessing to the marriage.

That is just the bare minimum event. Some families will have this ‘majlis berinai’ , cake cutting ceremony and some other things which I thing if done properly will not be time consuming at all. For example, I was on this wedding last weekend, the akad was on 10 am, followed by reception at 12 pm. Bride and groom are scheduled for ‘bersanding’ at 1pm but being Malay, it was dragged on to almost 2.30 pm. After the photography session and all, the newlyweds are scheduled to have the cake cutting at 5 pm. Pheww… that was a long and tiring day.

But some might say that it’s normal. I on the other hand, have seen better-organized weddings. It was at night, in a hall where everybody is punctual. The akad was done in private previous day. The bride and groom enters the hall at 8.30 pm, they went straight to the dais. The food has already been served. While both families ‘menepung tawar’, the guest catches up with each other. Later the couple was seated on high table where they dine with the families. After some time, they went up to the stage for cake cutting ceremony and by that time desert is served to all guests. With some of the time left, they mingle around the guest and even start saying goodbye to some. There was also a video show on the couples’ courtship, the dating days, which make the event more personal.

Close friends and families stayed back for group photo and all ended by 11.30 pm. It’s a fulfilling 3 hours and all was done. The event went well and I bet the family and the couple were not exhausted as compared to if the event went all day long.

Well, I think I rant enough about Malay wedding and probably nobody will invite me again after this..hehehe… . I think other races’ wedding do have their fair share of wastage as well. It’s just that I have never been to enough weddings that I can justify commenting on one.

p/s: Tuan Shahril, if you are reading this, a wink for you

It all started last year, when I voiced out to Shaz and Elaine.  I say we need to do something that will remind us by our school days. Hence, the idea of a 10th yr Reunion came about. Things get really serious sometime March this year. At first there was only 3 of us. Later when words starts to get around, more are willing to help.

Ohh.. but lets not forget a bunch of fakes..yup, like what Shaz mentioned in her blog, there were few people that was REALLY excited at first, asking for MoM and such, later did not responded to any of our emails. Then come Zuien, Farrah Shamilla a.k.a Fasha, and Poova. Fasha did bring in lotsa sponsors and Zuien does create the hype and managed to get more attendees to come.

We started to draft the main stuffs for the event, goodie bags, where to have the dinner, how much to charge, how may ppl we expect to be there, etc, etc, etc…it takes a lot to get this done. With me being in PD and could not attend most of the meeting, I can only do so much. Shaz is the main force with all the contact info compilation and RSVP.

Did I mentioned that some of the ppl are just plain ignorant? No reply whatsoever to indicate whether or not they are coming. And mind you, these ppl are actively online every single day on Facebook and Friendster. That is simply annoying. We are making an effort to reunite Batch of 98 but apparently some just refuse to be re-connected.

Be as it may, we targeted if only 50 BBGS-ians willing to turn up, we are going to have it anyway, and we DID!!! Last Saturday, 1st Nov 2008, Class of 98 had our first reunion in 10 years!!! I can say the event went well. Everybody had a good time catching up and we did have lotsa fun. One memorable moment was when the montage was played…many were moved and big Thanks!! to Lili for putting it together in the most beautiful ways that I can imagine. No photos yet for the moment, as I didn’t even took out my camera. We had a dedicated photographer throughout and still awating for the whole shot. Will have a moments by moments description later when I have it all with me.

Anyway, am still feeling bit tired after all the hardwork. Thanks to the committe for making it worth it to sweat our blood and tears for the event. Thanks to all the attendees for making time and not let our hardwork gone down the drain..thanks a lot you guys!! Although the building is no longer there, The Spirit Lives On..

BBGS 98 rocks!!! Nisi Dominus Frustra…without God all is in vain.

my alma mater

May there be a 100 years more.

Its the 20th day of Syawal already and most of the weekends are full of Open Houses invites. I did quite a bit of ‘jalan-jalan’ last weekend…ALONE From PD I went to the co’s open house. Not many people from my department so I joined one of the manager’s wife. Had some food and quickly dashed off to Bangi to Asma’s house. By 5 pm I’m on my way to Eza’s house in Seremban before go back to PD the same night.

Actually it was not really the plan. I was supposed to part in this Treasure Hunt that has gotten to be postponed indefinately!! Because of the hunt, I have not been able to attend a friend’s wedding in Pahang, and since the it was cancelled last minute, I basically have the weekend to  myself.

A friend later texted me that night asking to meet up next weekend. I have to say no due to prior comitment with family. In the midst of rescheduling only then I realised that I will be fully booked until mid Dec…my my …since when did I became so social? Not actually, its just that most of the activities get pushed towards end of the year and all lumped in the month of Nov-Dec.

In this time of fully booked calender, how do you prioritise? Depends on how important is the invitor. A friend voiced out, if you were to invite the person, would they make the effort to attend? Well that puts things into perspective..I used to go all the way to Kedah and Johor for friends wedding, but when it comes to me inviting them for a small gathering, even those as near as Klang would not be able to come. I know I would probably be at the bottom of their priority list. One popular question of course, who else is coming.. as if they will only come if the rest is coming..am I suppose to invite Siti Nurhaliza or Dr Mahathir to attract people coming to my house? That is no way to respond to an invite.

So now, if at all I am available, I would probably won’t spend much effort attending to those who did not value me as a friend. I am not getting much younger and my time on this world is limited, hence its time to return the favour for those who are worth it.

To Put, sorry I could not attend your open house, already promised my cousin quite some time back..next time k? 

To all, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, maaf zahir batin for all the intentional/non intentional wrongdoings that I have committed in the course that we’ve known each other.

p/s: Puasa 6 dah complete ke? hehehe….

This year I lost the most friends. Only few sticks with me. The rest move on with their own life. It was good knowing them but I wished it could have last longer, too bad it all ended when they get married.  To those who remains as my friend, thank you for spending time with me, though I have nothing much to offer. This is specially dedicated to Shaz,Elaine and Asma  where you guys never turn down my invitations.

I am not inviting those who turn me down anymore. ~End.

Somehow I watched Oprah last night. Not a fan because I sometimes thinks that she talks more than her guest, but then it IS Oprah Winfrey show rite? Anyhow, last night topic was quite interesting as they were talking about polygamy in US. The politically correct term would be ‘plural marriage’.

Apparently, getting married more than once at one time is a feloni in all 50 states in USA. It actually has been going on since 1800 and the biggest community that practise polygamy is located at Colorado City, Arizona. They are in this congregation called Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (FLDS Church). The upmost leader was sentenced to 10years in prison for numerous sexual misconduct which also includes incest. Read more here. 

Featured on the show also few good examples of polygamy. One lady appeared, she’s the second/third wife to a man who has in total 3 wives. The husband in fact refuse to make an appearance for fear of his raputation (???). The lady confess of all the good things in the house and seems like life is perfect for her, despite living with another 2 wives (one of which is her twin sister) and 20+ children in the same house. The crew’s visit to her house also shows that the house is big enough to accomodate 20+ people.

Another family agreed to come out live on TV, this man married to 3 ladies, 2 of which is sisters. Oprah did try to provoke them by probing burning questions such as sleeping arrangement, jealousy and much other problems that conventional single marriage face day in and day out. I can see that they were trying very hard to appear normal and give a picture perfect outlook to the rest of USA.

Its weird actually to see the issue being discussed in different part of the world whereby general community acceptance towards the issue is far from OK, even classifying it as crime. We in Malaysia or the rest of Muslim community acknowledge the fact and since it is legal in Islamic constitution, it was actually no problem. This is provided that the man is capable enough — monetary wise to provide for all the wives and children, give them a good life and most of all able to be fair to all of them. And only limited to 4 wives at the same time..logically, who can afford more? (apart from some millionaires…)

We have the community consent and yet we see a lot of problems with polygamy in Malaysia. They (people in the US) is facing rejection, and yet they can make do with polygamy and the man are able to provide a comfortable life to the whole family (at least that’s what they showed in Oprah). Seems like our foundation for practising polygamy is not strong yet. Men in Malaysia is mostly sexually driven to practise polygamy rather than acting out of love and having a good plan on how to do that. This might not be true in some cases. More often than not, we hear problems amongst the families which includes fighting for the family fortune, jealousy and neglection.

I have nothing against polygamy but I am not for it either. My 2 cents is, as long as the man are willing to be fair, financially sound and able to keep up with more than one wife, by all means go ahead. Even Nabi Muhammad SAW married more than once, but he did out of courtesy to help some of the woman (widows who lost their husband to war).

There is one more troubling fact that bothers me, the people (women) in US who practised polygamy have no issues getting married to the same men at the same time. Whereas in Islam, it is strictly forbidden to do such thing. I am researching the logic behind that.

I guess watching the episode has open up an opportunity for me to know my religion better and not to just be a follower. All the while it has all been faith, but slowly I am trying to reasons so that my faith will not be wasted, InsyaAllah…

Selamat beribadat di bulan Ramadhan

Today I’ve attended a Farewell Brunch with one of the manager that is due to move on to another Shell Co in Middle East. He is celebrated by many parties, his own department, the management team and us, the ladies. The brunch was organised by his secretary and the invitees were the ladies of SRC.

So what’s so special about the guy that even the ladies are throwing a separate party for him? I don’t remember any other people leaving SRC were celebrated in such manner…?

To begin with, he is good looking…hehehe..he is married la..:) But that’s not the main reason. He is one of those manager that is all rounder, means he has good managerial and also people skill. Even to people that is outside of his team. My first time working with him directly is during last year TA. Whilst most of other people were busy completing their own task, he still finds time to respond and feedback (mostly good stuffs) about me to my boss. Not many people bother to do that. And I guess it is not just me, he cares about most of other people as well and that makes him very likeable.

I wish to be a good all rounder as well. Be it just a colleague or a manager. I know for sure that I am not a good supervisor. I don’t seem to know how to encourage people or how to boost their morale to go the extra mile. I have always trained myself to work hard without other’s support, if at all, the more people condemn me, the harder I’ll work. I guess I’m immune to tough love, and to emit good vibe like this guy demonstrate will take lots of work from me…

Well I hope that I can be in the position where people appreciate you truly and having so many other people wishing you success. Will be seeing more familiar faces leaving in the next few months and good for them that they are moving. To the manager, I know he’s not reading this, all the best and enjoy Saudi!!

Not sure who to blame for Malaysian’s lack of business savvy instict.

I was out yesterday to Book Fair in PWTC and it was a sad to see that it was not as what I expected. I went for few book fairs before at the same venue. The crowd was much bigger, there were more bargains, lots of good books on sale and at a not-so reasonable price. This year it has just gone worst!!

Imagine one set of childrens’ story book (3 pcs) cost RM 38. Mind you this is just some moral value, locally written,soft cover, 70+ pages story book, and the writter is not even famous (since I did not recognise the name). Don’t tell me that one book cost RM12++? not for that quality. Even Kinokuniya sold classics like Jane Austen’s as low as RM 8.50 per piece…Come on…

Its not that I value foreign things more, but how do you inculcate reading habit if you put such a high price for a questionable piece of work? And, what is the value of a book fair if you could not get a good bargain. I was expecting rock bottom prices so that I can expand my book collection. That’s not what happened. Most of the booth did not have good offer to begin with. Nothing hype and happening about the fair as opposed to PC fair where you can compare prices, quality and still manage to walk away with some good deals. If the price are going to be of the same as in the bookstore, why bother to have the fair in the first place? I just could not digest that.

This morning I was out to find a good antenna for my car stereo, the current apparently gave away (I guess due to strong winds in PD). I was just trying my luck to find any available car accessory shop that might open on Sunday. Typical Malaysian, most business are closed on Sunday.

Don’t you guys have some business senses? Sunday is the most free days in the week that people can actually go out and get things done. Its a lost of opportunity to be closing shop on Sundays!! Who would go in the middle weekdays (especially during lunch time or after work) to get all these minor things fixed? I would say that most of the working classes couldn’t afford to attend to these issues on weekdays!!

Can this issue be related to the selling of MV Augusta at 1 Euro? hhmmm… I wonder, as one Malay saying, "Kepimpinan Melalui Teladan" — if translated "To teach by example" –somebody correct me if I’m wrong.

Looks like I have to sacrifice my lunch hour to get my antenna fixed!! (because in PD, after 5-6 pm, everything is closed.—not economical due to no market demand)

I’ve been a regular guest for weddings in the last 3-4 years. Most of it are my friends’. A handful of them is some close friends I’ve collected along my existence. After all these years seeing someone vanished after a wedding is typical.

Not sure what’s the value of friendship means anymore. It customarily in Malaysia that during a wedding, you would invite the whole world, let all your friends know that you would like them to come for the reception. Mass, huge, and crowded reception. The bride and groom didn’t even know half the crowd.

Most of the weddings that I attended are my friends which are so-so (not that close,even if I did not attended, nobody would notice) but since it is ‘wajib’ tu attend once you are invited, I still go anyway. For most of them, after the wedding, that’s it, I don’t hear from them anymore. Nada, none whatsoever.

If its just some friend, I would not feel so irritated, but if you are close frens before, and you make all the effort to travel all the way to the wedding only to be forgotten, then would it be sad? I know for most people, friendship ends the moment they met their life partners. I’ve seen a lot, not complaining but just a bit sadden by the fact that it is happening in our culture.

Look at the ‘mat salleh’. From what I know they have a small weddings, only inviting those that are really close to them and bet you the same guest will keep on sticking with them for their child 1st birthday celebration, their 25th wedding anniversary, their 60th birthday, etc…get what I mean? The shared their happiest day with their guest and they basically sticks together throughout the couple’s journey.Wish I have these kind of friendship..I think I will have in which I can count on with one hand.

And oh one more thing, the ‘mat salleh’ have enough manners to reply a thank you card for those attended and by simply cutting me off after the wedding definitely sents out the wrong message.

Out of close to 100 (not that I’m keeping score) of weddings that I have attended, wonder how many would show up at my wedding ?(InsyaAllah if I have one)

Disclaimer: There are also weddings that I did not attend simply due to scheduling conflict and for that I apologise. To Wany, akak tak sempat pegi kenduri nanti, I’ll be out of town for work purpose, very sorry. Selamat Pengantin Baru, semoga kekal ke akhir hayat..

There has been occasions in my life where I was involved with so many men at one time (nothing personal). I was in ROTU back in UiTM and 70% of the population is guys. Now I am working in this industry where latest statistic shows in this company only 10% of the population is women.

So what’s the perk of being in this male dominated industry? A lot..(none of it again…personal). After 2 years in SRC, I’ve met more guys that I have ever met my entire life. They comes in all form, best buddies, saviour,confidante,father figure or just gossip partner. Right now we have not yet wrapped up from our Turn Around..still there will be some task to settle before the actual schedule start up mid this month.

I am blessed to be given the chance to work with the team. They trully defines what teamwork is all about. There was one particular job that I was suppose to lead, and because it was not scoped earlier, it became emergent work, hence there are no proper team set up for the task and I have to lead the whole thing. Come in the midst of execution, problem..I shouted for help and boy am I relieved that I AM working with these people. Everybody is willing to chip in ideas to get things moving, extreme support and companionship showed and I could not have asked for more.

The only reason I am so thankful is that I’ve been in worse position. Working in company where people only care of only what tasked to them, apart from that, I don’t care…Here, it is totally the opposite. there has been one too many occasion that I was saved by my saviour in my line of work here.

This is by far the best team I ever had and for that I am grateful.

I am 27 today!! Went to work like normal. Already booked tickets to watch Sepi tonite with my hsemate. Didn’t really expect much. Still in Plant TA (turn around) period. Attended the daily progress meeting at 9am. The TA project manager (Heng Cheh) wished me birthday first thing during the meeting. I am a bit suprised I told him like 2 weeks back, never thought he would remember.

Towards end of the meeting, Kak Yati slot in bringing some assortments and Secret Recipe’s box!!! (Its my suprise b’day cake!!!). I was like…aaawwwhh..It turns out that one of the engineers (my movie buddies told the TA manager and they decided to celebrate ) I did not managed to take any pictures coz I was so touched…:)

I actually have another cake in my OWN office courtesy from my Dept that is waiting to be cut so in the end I have 2 cakes :). At 11.30 I cut the second cake in the office.

Late last night my older sis text me saying that she has been hospitalised, she is waiting for the day. I did joke with her once, that come June 30th, I myself will take her to hospital and asked the doctor to induce her so that she will deliver on June 30th. My mum called at 12pm saying that she safely delivered my newborn niece at 10am!! What more can make my day?

Alhamdullillah, she is in good condition, and so are the latest member of the family. Too bad I cannot be with her due to this TA. I am happy, and glad coz all of this is happening today!!! I may not get fancy gifts, never has anyway..but I guess happiness is the best gift of all. For that one thing, I guess Allah gives my happiness in installment. I could not bargain for lump sum. So for now, this is it

Hope this day never ends…tonight I am expecting to have a very good cry watching Sepi…its that a good way to end this day or what?

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